


I Think You're the Worst of Them All

by egirldallon



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Domestic Violence, Gay Rafael, Gay sonny, Healing, M/M, Tears, cannon typical rape, dont worry itll get better, fuck cheaters, i hate cheaters, i promise not much dv, i was just cheated on so this is therapy, im not gonna make my babies cheaters, im so sad yall, no rafael doesnt cheat, no sonny doesnt cheat, rafael gets mad, slowish burn, sonny gets sad, this is happening while sonny is shadowing rafael, this is probably gonna hurt at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-23 15:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20010502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egirldallon/pseuds/egirldallon
Summary: Sonny gets cheated on and in an unconventional way, Rafael finds out. He wants to help him heal.





	I Think You're the Worst of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> my ex gf cheated on me so this is where this came from haha lmao. im still hella hurt from it. So im broadcasting it onto this bitch ass bf for sonny. i dont wanna hurt him but i gotta. also for you fellow, possible Waterparks stans, the title is from Worst by Awsten Knight.

Sonny sits in Barba's office, not paying attention to what exactly Barba was saying. He's spaced out as all get out, his eyes glazed over and his body rigid, as is he's stuck in that position. Rafael looks up from his papers and sets them down, eyebrow raised in mild annoyance and curiosity. 

"Detective, please do enlightenment on why you aren't going over the case files as I asked you to?" 

Carisi seems to not to hear Barba, as he sits still and unresponsive. 

"Carisi."

Still nothing.

Rafael gets up from his desk, setting his file down and sighing. He sits down next to the frozen detective.

"Sonny."

Sonny seems to break out of his trance as he jumps and drops his file. 

"Sonny?" Carisi asks "You never call me that."

"I admit, childish nicknames aren't exactly what I like to call co-workers by. But I was worried and I guess it just slipped. I apologize Detective."

Carisi sighs deeply and clears his throat, getting back to work. 

"Detective, please do tell me why you're so distracted."

"Why do you care Counselor?"

"Because I care Carisi."

"I just don't want to make things weird and if I tell you, I'll just make things weird and that's the last thing I want right no-"

"Carisi, please, as mean as I make myself seem, I care about you, you're my friend."

Sonny sighs and rubs his temples, Barba just now realizes the redness in his eyes and the bags adorning his under eyes. "My partner, I broke up with him. I had to because he was cheating on me, and I found out. And he got angry and he yelled and it's all so stupid. And I-" 

Suddenly Sonny's in Rafaels' arms, he's shocked and frozen again. 

"I'm sorry this happened, Carisi. I didn't mean to make you bring it up."

"It's okay Counselor." Sonny begins before he feels tears emerge in his eyes. 

"It's not okay Carisi, and you don't have to pretend like it is." Sonny finally hugs back, tears rolling down his face. 

"Thank you, Barba." Sonny sniffles and separates from him. 

"Sorry for unloading this all on you, let's get back to the files." 

"Carisi, you don't have to apologize, as I said, you're my friend, I'll be happy to talk about this with you."

"Thank you again, Barba." 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Carisi sets the last file down, sighing in relief, that work distracted him from the impending loneliness, crying and frustration that his night was sure to become.

He gets up and gathers the files up "Goodnight Barba, thanks for the mini talk again."

"Detective, would you like to get drinks with me?" 

Sonny looks up from the files and smiles half a smile before nodding. "Yea that sounds just fine." 

"One thing though, we're off the clock now, Just call me Rafael, please."  
"You got it, Rafael." 

"Just leave the files here Dominick, no I will not call you Sonny. I expect you'll be here tomorrow?"

"Yea I will be."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
As it turns out the bar is closed, so they head to Carisi's apartment, due to claims of Carisi having a great scotch for Rafael to drink. When they get there, the lights are already on, and Sonny feels atremble work its way through his body. 

"Dominick, what the fuck is going on in your apartment?" 

"I don't know, it could be m-my ex, he had the keys. But it could be nothing."

"Dominick, that's not nothing." 

"Rafael, just stay outside, please."

He nods reluctantly as Sonny, facing the ground, opens his door. He's met with an immediate assault, Rafael peeks in to see a tall, brunette man yelling at Sonny. Sonny shifts away from the man nervously, Rafael can't even hear what he's yelling about, tuning him out, more fearing for Sonny's safety. As Rafael inches towards the door he hears a slap ring out and his eyes widen. He drops his briefcase and rushes into the room to see Sonny wheeling back, stumbling onto the ground, falling, bringing down a table with him.

"Dominick!" Rafael shouts, turning towards the man on the ground as soon as he gets in the door. 

"Who the fuck are you?" This man yells, coming closer to Rafael.

"I'm Dominick's friend."

"Well, 'Dominick's friend' get the fuck out of here. This is none of your business."

"I think it's plenty my business, especially when I see you abusing him!"

"Rafa-"

"Stop it, Dominick. I know you don't want me defending you, but it's high time someone put a stop to this." 

Sonny's ex walks closer to Rafael, trying to intimidate him, it not working, obviously, Rafael is a lawyer, he doesn't get intimidated. 

"I want you to try something, I do, as a Manhattan ADA, I would love sending your ass to jail, where you belong," Rafael seethes, taking a confrontational step towards this no-name fool. 

The man piques an eyebrow and steps off, "Don't think we're done here, Sonny."

"I think you're absolutely done here. Come near him again and I swear to God, I will have domestic violence charges coming your way faster than I'll have you in jail."

The man storms out, slamming the door on his way. Barba looks down to Sonny to see him cradling his cheek, tears rolling down his face. 

"Dominick, has he ever hit you before?"

Sonny looks away, shamefully, tears filling his eyes once again. Rafael kneels, so he can be eye to eye with Sonny. 

"I need you to answer me, has ever hit you before?" 

"Yea, he has, where no one could see them. But please don't make me a victim, I don't want to be a victim Rafael. Plus it would force me to out myself and I'm not ready for that." his voice is hoarse and strained like he's trying to steady it but it isn't working. 

Rafael sets his head in his hands, sighing at the fact he can't charge this son of a bitch for hurting Sonny. "Okay. But you need to tell me if he ever comes around you, I intend on keeping some extent of my promise." 

Sonny looks at him, guilt still heavy in his eyes. "I-I-I."

"No protests, what he does is not okay, you of all people should know this."

"I know Rafael but like I said, just about nobody knows I'm gay. I need to keep it that way." 

"Why did you come out to me then?" 

"Because I knew, I knew, you were gay." 

Sonny wasn't wrong, he is 1000% a homosexual. 

He laughs a little, "How did you know?"

"I think it's the pride stuff you have around your office, I just assumed."

Rafael smiles and helps Sonny up, "Forget the drinks, Dominick, I'll leave you to i-" 

"You don't have to go, Rafael, I'm still up for drinks." In truth, Sonny just really didn't want to be alone.

Rafael smiles and nods, Sonny goes to pick up the table and Barba shoos him away, "Go get the drinks, I got this."

"Thank you." Sonny smiles, a bit of guilt and sadness sneaking into the smirk. 

Sonny comes back and Rafael is sitting down, he hands him his scotch and sits next to him, drinking his beer slowly. 

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I also know how much it must hurt," Rafael says carefully, breaching the subject lightly and with diligence. 

"It hurts so much Rafael. I feel so empty and it just hurts ya know? I just don't understand."

"I get it, and it's gonna get better, and it may not seem like that right now, but I promise."

Sonny looks Rafael in the eyes and he raises an eyebrow. "Thanks, again." 

"No problem Dominick." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, Sonny and Rafael grew together, slowly but surely going for nightly drinks, Rafael keeping Sonny's secret with his life. Sonny begins to feel better, at least he thought so, befriending Barba was distraction enough from his pain. Until Rafael and Sonny walk into a bar, and there sat Sonny's ex. Sonny feels nausea run through his body and he turns to the door. Rafael steps in front of the Detective "What's wrong?"

Sonny leans in and whispers, his voice wavering "It's my ex, let's just leave."

"Okay." Rafael lets Sonny walk out first. 

"Goodnight Rafael, I'm just going to go home." 

"You sure?" Barba asks, staring at Sonny with a questioning look in his eyes. 

"Yea, I'll be fine."

Rafael questions this deeply, "Dominick, I'm being serious, if you need to talk, please just call me."

Sonny nods and walks off, leaving a conflicted ADA behind him. 

When he gets home he doesn't bother taking off his suit, he collapses into bed and grasps onto his pillow. Sonny didn't feel as heartbroken as he thought, in fact, he felt more fear than anything, fear he'd get beaten again, fear that his ex would find him and hurt him. This keeps him up all night. On the other hand, Rafael gets home and helps himself to a scotch or two as he sits in his kitchen, worrying about Sonny. 

Sonny comes scrambling into work the next day, late as all get out and in the same suit as the day before. He almost trips a few times on his way to his desk, his gangly legs sometimes fucking his running up. He does get to his desk, out of breath and sweaty, he looks up tiredly as Rollins walks up to him. 

"Carisi, one, are you okay? And two, that's the same suit you wore yesterday."

"I'm fine, I just overslept, ya know. And my dry cleaners were closed so I'm stuck with this right now." 

"Carisi, your eyes are red. If you need to tell me something, I'm right here." Rollins says, doubting everything Sonny has said, he's been off for the past weeks. 

Barba practically sashays into the building, immediately locking eyes with the taller detective. Sonny nervously sighs, picking at his fingers. Barba notices Sonny's nervousness and he speeds his pace to be at his side. 

The ADA looks at Rollins then Sonny, "What's wrong Do-Detective?"

Rollins raises an eyebrow at the older's slip up he tried covering up. 

"Just come with me and I'll explain, Barba, you too, please?"

Once again, Rollins gets suspicious of the added please onto the end of the sentence, obviously pointed at Barba. 

"Of course Detective." 

"Yea, Carisi." 

Carisi walks to the break room and sits on the table, taking a deep, preemptive breath. 

"First off, I'm gay," Sonny says, shakily, fearing what Rollins might have to say. 

"Thank you for tellin' me Carisi, I'm glad you told me," she says, fighting a smile, knowing something not too good is coming up soon. 

Rafael and Sonny share a look, an understanding, sympathetic look. "And I was in a relationship," his voice shakes and Barba puts a reassuring hand on his back, "and he was abusive and he was a cheater."

Rollins gasps, imagining the uncle to her child, her best friend, being hit and yelled at for no reason, it just wasn't right. The man who protected just about everyone he came across, having no protection, it made her want to puke. 

"Sonny, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you bring up such a-"

"No, it's okay 'Manda, it's time I told you."

Rollins sighs and rubs her temples "Why didn't you press charges?"

"I ain't out yet and I'm not a victim, period." 

"Dominick." Rafael seethes, almost frustrated at him saying this. 

Sonny looks at him, slight anger glinting in his baby blues, he's mad that Rafael said his first name in front of Rollins. 

"I intend on there being charges if that scum bag ever comes around Carisi again." 

"Wait you knew?" Rollins points a finger at Barba

"It's a very long story, but yes I did." 

"I promise you Carisi, we'll protect you." Amanda brings him in for a hug and he refuses, surprising both people standing by him. 

"I don't need protectin'." 

Rafael crosses his arms and he sighs. "Carisi, we know you may not want it, but we're just thinking about your safety."

"I know." Sonny sounds defeated as he turns towards Rafael.

Rafael opens his arms and this time, Sonny accepts, making Amanda only slightly jealous, but she suspected that the ADA had been helping her friend through this, so she dare not comment. But she does realize the way Barba looks at Sonny and subconsciously the way Sonny looks back. She smiles, knowing that there may be something there. After the discussion, they all return to their rightful spots in the precinct, Rollins, and Sonny at their desks and Barba in Benson's office.

The day had not been busy, which is, one, odd for SVU and two, why Liv wasn't particularly bothered by Carisi's slight tardiness. This didn't last for long because a uni walked in with a man in handcuffs, a man who had bruised hands and no remorse in his eyes. 

Sonny meets eyes with this man, immediately getting up and walking to Liv's office.

"'Cuse me Lieu but I need Barba real quick."

"Go ahead Carisi," she says smiling. 

Carisi once again takes him into the break room and he feels himself shake as he sits down at the table, head in hands. 

"Dominick, what's wrong?" Rafael sits across from him, worried as all hell. 

"He's here."

"He, as in your ex?" Rafael sounds worried, rightfully so, as tears are streaming down Sonny's face and he's shaking. 

"I'll go figure out why. Stay here."

Rafael, with his court demeanor fully on, walks out to meet a uni putting said ex in a cell.

"What's he in for?"

"Oh, ADA Barba, well his partner accused him of domestic violence and rape, neighbors heard noises called the police. He's in the hospital now for the rape kit, he's got bruises everywhere."

"Thank you, could we get this information over to Benson? I see we have a new case."

"Of course Sir." 

Rafael, now enraged, goes to Sonny who's still sat with his head in his hands. He sits next to him, trying to say the next part delicately but still firm enough. 

"Did he ever rape you?"

"Huh?" Sonny looks up, confused. 

"I asked if he ever raped you." this time, more stern.

"No, maybe he went too rough sometimes or he touched me without consent, but he never raped me. Why?"

"Someone's accused him of rape and DV."

Sonny swallows and looks up. "I'm gonna have to tell everyone huh? We're gettin' this case arent we?"

Barba nods and sits next to the detective. "I'm afraid so. I won't be able to prosecute because of the conflict of interest and you might have to testify. I'm so sorry Dominick."

"I should have pressed charges."

"Don't. Dominick, you were afraid and that's okay. This is not your fault. Do not blame yourself." 

They sat there for a bit, Sonny leaned on Barba as the ADA thought about a way to help him go about this. Just as Sonny began to relax and his eyes weren't wet, Liv comes barging in on the scene, causing both men to jump apart, "I need a word with both of you." Just as she said that Amanda and Fin walk in the room to lead them to the all too familiar interrogation rooms. 

Rafael looks Sonny in the eyes and gives him a reaffirming look. 

They're both sat in two different rooms, FIn interrogating Rafael and Liv with Sonny. 

Liv sits across from Sonny with a file, notepad, and pencil, "Please do tell me why our perp, Matthew Marcelino, was asking for, and I quote "That little bitch Sonny and his lawyer side piece."

Sonny sighs and sets his head in his folded arms, he feels panic and shame flood through his body.

"Carisi, I need you to tell me." 

Sonny looks up, guilt heavy in his eyes, "Lieu, I'm gay. And he's my ex. He used to beat me and he cheated on me. Rafael came home for drinks with me one night and he was there and he tried to beat the shit outta me. Rafael stepped in and stopped him. That's how he knows us."

"Carisi, why didn't you come forward sooner?" Liv's voice is coated in layers of pity, concern, and confusion.

"I was scared, I wasn't out to many people yet."

"Also, does Barba let you call him Rafael?" she smirks saying, knowing she lightened the mood just a little bit.

Sonny internally facepalms at the fact he accidentally called Rafael by his first name. "Uh, he told me to call him that." 

"Nice to know, and Carisi, you're going to have to testify in court. You're the only other victim of his we know of."

Sonny flinches at the use of the word 'victim'.

"Yea I know."

"One last thing Carisi, did Matthew ever rape you?" 

"No, he was too rough on many occasions and he'd touch me without consent but he never raped me." having this conversation a second time wasn't any less awkward and uncomfortable. 

Liv nods and leaves the room to hand over the notes to Fin.

"Stay here, for now, I need to check up on Barba and Fin." she smiles at the melancholic detective. 

Fin looks at Barba, annoyance spread across the ADA's face, he's so clearly not okay with being on the opposite side of the table.

"Now, Barba, I need to know why our perp was asking for "That little bitch Sonny and his lawyer side piece."

Rafael deadpans at being referred to as a side piece. "Carisi had told me that his partner had cheated on him, so we were going to go out for drinks, the bar was closed so he invited me over for drinks at his place and his ex was there and tried beating him. From there on I found out his ex was abusive."

Fin pauses, Carisi, being abused, that seriously was not something he was expecting, especially not from a detective in sex crimes. 

"That's it?"

Rafael nods "That's it." 

Both men look up when Liv enters the room with a file and handwritten notes. 

"Here you go, got some very concerning information from Carisi."

"Same here but from Barba."

Fin looks over Liv's notes, "This is exactly what Barba told me."

"Okay. Let him go." Liv says, smiling at Barba, walking out, back to Carisi. 

Sonny is dazing off when Liv comes back, he jumps as she opens the door which startles her too. "Both of your stories match, you can go back to work, I'll keep you updated on the trial, if it ever comes to that, he may plead out."

"I hope he does." Sonny, who simply wanted to get back to work, stands up. "If you need a therapist, I know a good one. " Liv says kindly. "No, I got a good friend helping me through this." He smiles and walks out of the room and heads back to his desk. 

Sonny disregards that everyone knows he's gay now, or the fact everyone knows he's been abused. He wants to keep his mind off that. So, he drowns himself in paperwork. H finally pops his head up when Rollins tells him that it's time to go on home. He does just that, without running into Rafael, he gets home and for once doesn't feel frightened to sleep. He strips down to his boxers and an old Police Academy tee shirt. Sonny can smile a little more knowing his abuser is in custody, this is one less of a weight he has on his chest. However, the heartbreak, while still fresh, was starting to calm, he didn't feel violently ill anytime he thought of love. An exaggeration but still.

His phone buzzes, interrupting his thoughts. He looks at the phone and it's Rafael. 

"What's up Rafael?" 

"I'm coming to your place, okay?"

"Yea, it's fine, let yourself in. I'll be in my room." 

"Got it." and with that, he hangs up.

Sonny can hear Rafael come in and head to the room. 

"I just came to check on you. You seemed rather bothered after Liv questioned you."

"I had a right to be," Sonny sits up, throwing his blanket off him and standing up. "I was forced to come out, I had to admit I was in an abusive relationship and now everyone thinks I'm weak!" he walks towards Rafael, not confrontationally but still aggressive.

"Dominick, no one thinks you're weak. Yes, they feel sympathetic towards you, because they see this stuff every day and to see it happen to someone so close to you is frightening. You start asking questions like, Why didn't I notice? or Was there anything I could have done? But all you can really do is comfort them in their time of need because you can't change the past."

Sonny looks at him, his expressions softening. "Thank you for caring. Thank you for being here when I need it, Rafael."

"Of course, now if you need to talk more, and I'm right here and willing to talk with you, about anything."

Sonny walks back to his bed, inviting Rafael to sit next to him. "This whole heartbreak thing isn't taking as long to get over as I thought. I still feel a bit empty, but not as bad as before. I used to spend nights wondering what I did wrong but I didn't do anything wrong."

"No, you didn't," Rafael reassures, looking into Sonny's baby blue eyes. 

"Thank you for helping me heal Rafael." 

"You're welcome, Dominick."

The night dragged on as they talked and talked and talked, about how Sonny was feeling or nothing in particular. Rafael ended up leaving at a late time, Sonny smiles as he walks away, Barba did make him feel a whole lot better. 

Weeks passed, Sonny began showing moves towards healing and recovery. One, slow, boring, quiet day, Rafael sporting a great big smile that edged into cockiness or victory, comes in a bit late, the squad dismissed this as him having phone call meeting or dealing with extra paperwork. The big smile couldn't be explained until he collected the whole squad into the conference room. 

"The DA's office got back to me with the standing of Matthew Marcelino's case. He pleaded guilty to Rape 1 and Felony Domestic violence charges."

Sonny stares him dead in the eyes "You're being serious?!"

"As a fucking heart attack Dominick."

Sonny clings to Rafael for the biggest hug he's ever given someone. 

"F-fuck, I'm so happy Rafael." 

The squad looks on in amazement, surprised at the affection Rafael is displaying. They decide to let the men have their moment, so they leave the room, still looking in from the window. 

They look each other in the eyes, intensely and lovingly. Carisi places his hands on each side of Rafael's face and strokes his cheek with his thumb. Barba puts his hands on the taller's hips and they move closer together until their lips touch in a calm, loving and safe way. The kiss made Sonny's heart race but not in a bad way. His face flushes a bright pink and the shorter man wraps his arms tighter around him. Rafael is leaning up, grasping onto Sonny for dear life. Rafael feels his face heat up and he groans only slightly. 

They separate before going in for a short, sweet kiss. Sonny runs his hands through the ADA's hair before hugging him closer than before. Rafael relishes in the warmth Sonny gives off. 

"I love you, Rafael. I love you so much. Thank you for everything in the past few months. You've been so good to me." 

"Mi Amorcito, Mi Vida. Of course, I love you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this for us to be together." Rafael looks at Sonny starry eyes and kisses him once again.

"Rafael, don't think about that, we're gonna be happy, and I'm tryna get better, I am gettin' better and you're gonna be there with me like you've been."

"I am, I'm gonna be here."

They lean in for another kiss, chaste and small. They laugh breathily before walking out of the room, hand in hand, blushing messes. The squad all smile at them, genuinely happy for the newest development in the dynamic of their work family.

**Author's Note:**

> PSA don't cheat kids it hurts your significant other beyond belief.
> 
> twitter: adasonnycarisi  
> wattpad: peach_tracie


End file.
